I am delighted to announce that TV star, professional Robot sex kitten/exotic dancer and official unofficial “Celebrity Robot Groupie” to Evil Scarecrow is joining Roar Rock as one of our roving reporters to truly bring you all things metal and sexy. Here’s Slagbot to tell you a little about herself…
Hi, I’m Slagbot. Slagbot 172/76-TVR/1 is my full name but you can call me Slaggy if you like. Speak nicely to me and buy me a pint of Castrol and a battery acid chaser and I might just let you plug into my socket.
I started life as a humble dancing robot, manufactured for a failed world record attempt for the largest simultaneous robot dance performed by robots. A 6 mile run for sport relief followed where I soon realised I was indeed something special, judging from all the photographs, the radio interview and two appearances on TV. A period of inaction followed until I was refurbished and charged up ready to do battle at Bloodstock Open Air Festival. A ‘local’ band called Evil Scarecrow happened to be playing on the day I was attending, a band famous for their chart busting smash hit *ROBOTOTRON.
After they had brought the tent down I was apprehended by the bass layer, a living embodiment of all things Viking as I was loitering outside the beer tent. Kraven Morrdeth, for that is his name told me I was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen in his life. He spoke of how I caught his eye from the stage. I spoke of how that kind of thing always happens to me. I also met his bandmates Dr. Hell (guitar, shouting), Brother Pain (guitar, high fives) and Princess Luxury (keyboards, icy cool) and they all asked to have their photograph taken next to this vision of metallic perfection. Ringmaster Monty Blitzfist (drums, professional mentalist) was sadly absent at this time having been chased into the river Trent by a swarm of wasps that were after his can of Monster (possibly the same wasps that appeared to be plaguing Barney from Napalm Death throughout their set). The rest of my day was spent having my photograph taken with my hordes of admirers, with the occasional distraction of music to divert peoples attention away from me.
A few weeks after that I went along to see Evil Scarecrow playing at a charity gig in their home town of Nottingham. I had been given a new chrome finish as well as new arms and legs in anticipation of the show and it seemed to have a positive effect on people as I had never been so groped and molested in all my existence. Not that I am complaining. My ascent into the upper reaches of superstardom was confirmed when I was asked by Dr. Hell if I would draw the raffle before the gig. It was then I knew life would never be the same again (I didn’t win, by the way). Another triumphant charity gig New Disorder Festival for Rock Against Child Pornography and Abuse UK at the MFN in Nottingham was where I showcased my latest dance moves including The Shake and Vac, The Moonwalk, The Vegas Era Elvis and That Woman Off The Tales Of The Unexpected Theme Tune. I found myself talking to the delightful Princess luxury before the gig where she asked me if I could take her up the aisle which was rather sweet and something I look forward to doing one day. At least I think that is what she said, it was rather noisy. Either way, I have attachments.
I have won many admirers along the way, many fans, most of whom have fallen in love with me but this is a cross I have to bear, I don’t wear my beauty lightly and I know I will break many, many hearts (I’m sorry Harry Paterson, Adam B. Goatfistor, Tommy ‘Metallica’ Slack, Matt Burton) et al, but rest assured I do love you all, even if I wouldn’t touch some of you with a ten foot extension lead. xxx
*no 34, Azerbijhan top 40 for one week 16th Nov. 2008.
Robot Dancing World Record Attempt, West Bromwich, February 2010; Best
Looking Robot award.
Sport Relief 6 Mile 2010: Top Placed Robot.
Bloodstock Open Air, Catton Park, Derbyshire, 2011: Best Looking Robot, Best
Tits, Best Arse awards.
Bupa Great Birmingham Run 2011: Top Placed Robot. ‘Hottest’ Participant.
Being lubricated – in both senses of the word ;
Being sex on tin legs.
Shakin’ my booty.
Going to Evil Scarecrow gigs.
Shakin’ my booty at Evil Scarecrow gigs.
A big metallic welcome to Slagbot.